not a good day

I feel really fucking fat and frustrated today. I must have changed clothes 20 times trying to find something that I wont look fat in!! Needless to say that was unsuccessful. Fuck this. Fuck being fat. I havent lost weight in a whole fucking week. Im about to say screw thw whole healthy gig and just starve and purge again. I just want to cut this fat off of me. Damnit!

ughhhhjhhj

I feel really fucking fat and frustrated today. I must have changed clothes 20 times trying to find something that I wont look fat in!! Needless to say that was unsuccessful. Fuck this. Fuck being fat. I havent lost weight in a whole fucking week. Im about to say screw thw whole healthy gig and just starve and purge again. I just want to cut this fat off of me. Damnit!

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Insanity!

Okay so the last 3 days I have weighed 197.6, but I broke my diet last night and ate a cheese burger. Yes, it did taste awsome, but this morning I weighed in at 200.1 which was so not worth it. I do not need to be back in the 200's and I will not be back in them ever again after I get back to the 190's. I should have just purged, but I don't want to go down that road again. I will lose this weight. I have a new goal. I want to be 180 by May 26, 2011. I think it is totally do able. Also, I have started Insanity and it is awsome. I hate it, but I love it. My husband is my personal trainer and a damn good one. He is so fit and sexy its crazy. Ill have to get a picture to upload soon. If he isn't with me I find myself cheating, but what I realize now is everytime I cheat I am cheating myself out of the results I want to see. I have lost 20lbs in 1 month. Thats pretty good, but if I want to reach my goal of 160/150 then I need to really push and dedicate myself more then I ever have. It's going to take a lot more then I have been doing. But I am ready and willing and I will reach my results. I hope everyone else is doing well!

happy days

So glad to be under 200 lbs-198.2lbs today!

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wohoo

I finally broke the 201 marker! Thank you insanity!

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Insanity day 1

So I started Insanity today as planned and OMGoodness. It was so hard. I was litterally panting . I am kinda not looking forward to tomorrows workout. The good thing is that I know I got a lot done today. It was intense! Also, something else that happened today; I got chewed out today by my husband. It was like 4:00pm and he asked me what I ate today and I told him I haden't eaten and wasn't hungry and he started yelling at me saying he is tired of me not eating and he is going to have to babysit me again and all this other stuff saying he is going to make sure I eat breakfast when he eats and all other meals too. Then he made me drink an oatmeal bannana smoothie. I was kinda frustrated. I have been stuck at 201 for about 6 days now and it is so frustrating. I wanted to fast until I got over this little slump. I don't want to have a babysitter to make sure I am eating, but I know its probably best for me. I just really want this weight off.Also, thanks to my one reader for all your support. Sorry I can't be more exciting! lol Also here is some thinspiration for you!

looks like i screwed up this weekend

Let me start off by saying I didn't meet my goal weight of breaking 200lbs by friday. On top of that we all know it was easter thiss weekend.(happy easter) and I completley blew my diet. I ate candy, cookies, cake, pudding, drank coke and sweet tea. I didn't think much into it then but now I feel really bad about it. I mean everything I worked for is probably back already. So my plan now is to do a flush of my system today and tdy to detox and get back on track. I plan on starting insanity tomorrow. Im excited but scared and nervous as well. On another note; I had amazing sex lastnight. Me and my husband going into the hot tub at around 9 and we had candles lit to set the mood. I had a glass of mascoto and a beer and we fucked like we never had before. I came so hard. Then he ended up finishing in my mouth. We did it again about 30 minutes later. Im happy after 6years and 2 kids we have more passion fpr eachother then we have every had. Probably because we know he will be leaving in 3 months and will be gone for about 6 1/2. I love him. All in all(except for my diet failure) this weekend was great.

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Finally!

I am finally past the 203 mark! I weighed this morning and was 201.2. I am so excited to be getting this weight off. My goal is to be out of the 200's by saturday. Once I get out of the 200's I plan on rewarding myself with a prize of some sort. Maybe a massage by my husband. =) I worked out today and did 1/2 an hour. I burned 337 calories which is not bad for 30 minutes. I feel good. I am especially proud that I have lost this much weight and started working out this soon after I have had my baby. 1 more lb and I am at the weight I was before I had my baby, which was 3 weeks ago. I had sex with my husband lastnight for the first time since the baby( well vaginally. We were doing anal(OUCH) and it was so good. Makes me horny thinking about it. I just know how easy it is to get pregnant after you have a baby so I am really hoping I don't get pregnant again. I can't wait till I am able to get on birth control in two weeks. Also I made an appointment to get my wisdom teeth cut out on April 17th. (OUCH) The only good thing about that is that I probably wont be able to eat for about a week. Well I have to eat a little if I will be breastfeeding, but it will probably have to be liquid food like soups and stuff. Thats fine with me. I am going to take more pics tomorrow of my progress since two weeks ago. I wont post them though. Not yet anyway; I am way too embaressed.

THINSPIRATION-THINK THIN!

Back to 203

I wish the number was lower, but atleast its lower then yesterday. Im ready to cuddle in bed sleep with my husband and sleep. I have a terrible migraine. 3 tylonal and no relief so far. Ready to start insanity tomorrow possibly.sorry for such a short post

Trying to stay positive.

I am feeling down today. I did lose weight lastnight so I am back to 204, however I have been extremley sad/ frustrated all day long. Oh and besides that, I lost my keys. Freeking great. Now I'm pissed because I remeber I still have to look for them. I need a cigrette, but I don't even smoke. I want one bad. I hate feeling like this. I have every reason to be happy. Why am I not? I will have a good day tomorrow. I will.